


With my eyes wide shut

by ManicEuphoric



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Childhood Friends, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Episode: s01e08 And Salt the Earth Behind You, F/F, Fluff, Inspired by Euphoria (TV 2019), Love Confession, Mentions of Mental Illness, Mentions of Suicide, Useless Lesbians, mentions of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:48:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28966347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManicEuphoric/pseuds/ManicEuphoric
Summary: Rue is okay. She's fine. Pff. Who needs Jules right?In which she's close to breaking down but Lexi saves her.
Relationships: Rue Bennett/Lexi Howard
Kudos: 30





	With my eyes wide shut

**Author's Note:**

> Might do chap 2 if there's demand but i was ultra depressed writing this so i'm sorry. Rulexi otp i don't take constructive criticism

Truth be told? She wasn’t planning on staying.

Staying in East Highland, staying with Jules, staying with her family…

Staying alive.

It all seemed like some far off bygones of a forgotten time where anyone could still be truly happy. Where they weren’t all struggling with a million and one problems nobody could ever truly understand. Where nobody had to deal with being bipolar, going from episode to episode. Where they could breathe again.

At least that’s what Rue wanted. A chance. A shot to make things right before she finally took her ticket out to the other side. 

Walking, or practically running, through the empty streets crying her eyes out because the only good thing in her life just fucking left her wasn’t a part of that chance. If anything it just made her realise that there are no happy endings. Wrong city, wrong people.

It feels like her entire world collapsed, everything else fades to empty static around her as her feet try to keep her upright. Her brain is going wild with every thought she tried to kill.

She was ready to end it all, to just be done with it. One final night, one final high and then she was out. This was her signal that her time was up. 

At least… for now she’d have to stave off that intention when she’d heard the clacking of heels behind her 

“Hey! Wait up!” That familiar voice rung out, her best friend since forever, the one person she screwed up the most with.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going home? I was worried sick when you didn’t call back…” Lexi’s words start to slip and slur as she catches up, walking alongside her best friend.

She checks her phone, it reads 73 texts and 49 missed calls 

“Where r u????”

“Pls answer im worried”

“Rue”

“Please.”

“Tell me you didn’t do it again.”

Talk about a wakeup call…

“Sorry… haven’t been thinking straight, got a lot on my mind.” She tries not to worry Lexi. That was the last thing she needed. Guilt. 

Having spent so much time around Rue though, she picked up on that. She knew that means “Oh please God I’m going under.” Something she recognised all too well.

“Can I sleep over at your place? I’m like, super smashed and Cassie and McKay are gonna go at it.” The brunette tries to stay casual. They both know what this is, what the other is planning. They’ve done this dance a million times and they’re both tired.

“Yeah, sure. Just don’t leave Cassie in the dark.” She nudges back, like she’s one to talk.

The rest of the walk back to Rue’s place is quiet, they can feel the tension to their bones. It’s like an impenetrable wall formed between them.

When they finally reach her room it’s like a sigh of relief, the familiar comfort soothing anything. They lay down on Rue’s bed, facing eachother.

“Rue we have to t-”

“No, no we don’t. I’m fine. I just spaced out. So what she left? It’s fine. I’m fine. It wasn't meant to be,” she shrugs, it’s a lie. All of it. She’s bursting at the seams.

“You’re not fine. It’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to pretend you don’t care all the time. You get to feel the way you do.” Lexi tries to assure her, she tries so hard to prevent a repeat of last time. 

“Lex… I… I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore.” For the first time in a long, long while, she’s being honest.

“Nobody does. Feelings are weird, and she abandoned you. Your brain doesn’t work the way you want it and that’s okay. I know all about unrequited love.” She lets out a pained, melancholic chuckle as she thinks of all those times she should have taken her shot.

“How can anyone do that? Just fucking cheat on you, lie to you, make you feel special and then leave…?” Rue can barely speak, tears are streaming down her cheeks as her voice breaks.

“People are cruel, you just have to wait until someone comes along to help. I know a girl who dated someone exactly like that.” She trails off, chalking it up to the copious amounts of alcohol in her bloodstream.

“She uhh… she got hurt. Like really bad. But she was so obsessed with that person that it destroyed her. But she couldn’t see that someone that really loved her was right in front of her. That person didn’t even know they were in love with her until a while ago.”

“She sounds really fucking stupid.” Rue lets out a pained laugh, wiping away teardrops. 

“She is, but she’s still one of the most beautiful people to exist. Under all those layers of cynicism and sarcasm and self loathing she’s got a heart of gold. She loves her sister and her friends. She’s still beautiful. Still Rue Bennett.” Fuck… she said it… her hand moves up to caress the girl’s cheek, looking into her eyes. They’re both nearing their breaking point.

“Wait- What?” Rue looks more confused than anything, she doesn’t know what to feel. Her face portrays sadness, her eyes show fear, but the smile on her face tells that she’s happy.

And then the realisation hits. She’s been in love with Jules, sure. But that was a fling, it was consummate and it ate her up. But now she realises she’s been in love with Lexi all this time. Eyes wide shut every day while Lexi destroys herself for Rue.

“I-I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that… I’ll go.. i uhh. I didn’t mean t-” she’s cut off by those familiar hands, so calloused but still so gentle, pulling her in for a kiss. Rue’s lips planted on her’s as everything around them seemed to fade into nothingness.

And then the whole world stopped. She pulled back.

“I love you too Lex.”

She’s said it. After all these years of dancing around those feelings, it’s real now.

Those tear stained features twisted into a smile as her eyes glisten with hope.

“I love you so much Rue.”


End file.
